The brains of men and women couldn't be more different. I'm sure that by pairing the two, the Good Lord above has had lots of laughs.
It really makes you wonder how the thought patterns of husbands and wives ever find common ground.
Men primarily think of red meat, Three Stooges marathons, and cars.
Women think of everything else. All the time.
I believe this is why husbands can go to sleep seconds after their heads hit the pillow, and wives lie awake for hours wondering how husbands can go to sleep seconds after their heads hit the pillow.
Wife: Honey, how was your day?
Husband: Why are you asking me now? It's bedtime.
Wife: I just want to know what you did today. I had a conference call with the quilting club. We discussed our next project. Also, our oldest called. He's almost finished with his house. He has a few things to work out with the contractor, but they shouldn't be much of a problem. Honey? Honey?
The husband was part of the same interaction, but his take on it is a bit different.
Wife: Honey, how was your day?
Husband: Curly is the best Stooge. Wait. What is she saying? Why are you asking me now? It's bedtime.
When the husband wakes up, he picks up his thoughts, right where he left off. The wife does the same.
Wife: You know, I don't know how you can fall asleep while I'm talking to you.
Husband: (crunching Froot Loops) I had the best dream last night. Curly dropped out of the Stooges, and Moe and Larry asked me to take his place. I need to take the car in to be washed and waxed. Could we have steak tonight?
Wife: Mom told me to marry that law student.
There's also a difference in the approach to parenting.
Wife: Honey, I got a note from Jay's teacher today. He is having a hard time paying attention.
Husband: Huh, what did you say?
Wife: Jay's having a hard time paying attention in class. What should we do?
Husband: There's a Three Stooges marathon on tonight. That'll teach him to focus. We are having steak tonight, right?
From the husband's perspective, there's a communications gap, But, it's different.
Wife: Honey, the shower won't drain.
Husband: Yeah, I noticed. The drain cap needs to be removed and the trap cleaned out. A little Liquid Plumbr and we should be good.
Wife: I'm going to call Dennis and see what he thinks.
Husband: You don't think I know how to clean a drain?
Wife: I just want another opinion.
Dennis: The drain cap needs to be removed and the trap cleaned out. A little Liquid Plumbr and you should be good.
Wife: Dennis said the drain cap needs to be removed and the trap cleaned out. A little Liquid Plumbr and we should be good.
In the kitchen, a husband can do no right.
Wife: How much salt are you putting in that?
Husband: I'm making dinner. I know how to make this recipe. My mom showed me how to make gravy. It was considered the best gravy in all of Southwest Arkansas. People came from miles around to eat my momma's gravy. This is the exact recipe she used.
Wife: Your momma used too much salt.
And, of course, spousal television viewing habits couldn't be any more different.
Husband: Wow, the Stooges episode where they cause problems in the courtroom is on tonight. Larry thinks the judge's toupee is a tarantula and shoots it with a pistol.
Wife: How about we watch Downton Abbey. It's on PBS tonight.
Husband: Could you bring me a glass of Liquid Plumbr, please?
In spite of an obvious difference in cranial wiring, husbands and wives seem to manage to get along. Not only get along, but also grow closer. The Good Lord above has His chuckles, and so do the married folk.
I'm grateful for the differences and for the opportunity to laugh, love, and get old together.
Happy Anniversary, honey. By the way, we're out of Froot Loops. I meant to tell you that while you were talking to me last night. But, I fell asleep.
©2021 John Moore
(John Moore is a 1980 graduate of Ashdown High School who lived in Texarkana and worked at KTFS Radio during the 1980s. His books, "Write of Passage: A Southerner's View of Then and Now - Volumes I and II," are available on Amazon and on his website, TheCountryWriter.com. His weekly John G. Moore Podcast appears on Spotify and iTunes. You can email him through his website at TheCountryWriter.com.)